What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the doc!

A neutron walks into a bar and asks “how much for a beer?” The bartender says, “for you? no charge.”

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street. One stops, looks in his pockets and says, “Wait, I think I lost an electron!” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first says, “Yes! I’m positive!”

A helium atom walks into a bar and the bartender says ” we don’t serve noble gases here.”
No reaction.

Did you hear about the uranium atoms that went to the anti war rally. They got bored and split.

Two uranium atoms are at an anti-war rally. From the other side of the way an atom throws a proton and hits one of them right in the head. The other says, “Don’t let his negativity effect you!”

What do you call a bear with no teeth?

A drum and a cymbal fall off a cliff
[Ba dum bum, tssss!]

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi!

What do you call a fish with no eye?

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

What do vegan zombies love more than anything in the whole world?

What did one snowman say to the other?
Do you smell carrots?

what do you do with epileptic lettuce?
You make a seizure salad!

There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says
‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’

A man didn’t like his haircut, but it started to grow on him.

Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under arm. Says to the bartender: “I’ll take a beer, and one for the road.”

Why did the cowboy adopt a weiner dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggy!

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?

Where does George Washington keep his armies?
In his sleevies!

Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?
Because its a little meteor!

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