Facts about Jack Bauer

This list of facts about Jack Bauer is terrific. There’s hundreds of ’em…

If everyone on “24” followed Jack Bauer’s instructions, it would be called “12”.

If Jack Bauer’s gun jams, it’s because he wanted to beat you with it.

The truth may hurt, but it doesn’t hurt as much as Jack Bauer.

Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.

When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, “Previously, on 24…”

Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.

Jack Bauer sleeps with a pillow under his gun.

Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.

One Comment

  1. lee says:

    More from the Jack Bauer List…

    Rank Fact # of Votes Rating
    1 Jack Bauer once stepped into quicksand. The quicksand couldn’t escape and nearly drowned. 261 8.21
    2 The city of Los Angeles once named a street after Jack Bauer in gratitude for his saving the city several times. They had to rename it after people kept dying when they tried to cross the street. No one crosses Jack Bauer and lives. 864 7.67
    3 There are two hands that can beat a royal flush. Jack Bauer’s right hand and Jack Bauer’s left hand. 153 7.53
    4 Jack Bauer was once charged with attempted murder in Los Angeles County, but the judge dropped all charges because Jack Bauer never “attempts” murder. 79 7.51
    5 If you are still verbally capable of telling Jack Bauer that he is hurting you, then trust me, he isn’t. 59 7.47
    6 Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes. 179 7.46
    7 If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan the movie would have been called “1”. 112 7.44
    8 It takes you 24 weeks just to watch what Jack Bauer does in a single day. 102 7.42
    9 Some people see the glass as half full. Others see it as half empty. Jack Bauer see the glass as a deadly weapon. 235 7.32
    10 Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction. 270 7.3
    11 When a convicted terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death. 322 7.26
    12 Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt. 223 7.22
    13 When bad things happen to good people, its probably fate. When bad things happen to bad people, it’s probably Jack Bauer. 254 7.15
    14 Once, someone tried to tell Jack Bauer a “knock knock” joke. Jack Bauer found out who was there, who they worked for, and where the goddamned bomb was. 582 7.11
    15 Jack Bauer once showed up late for work. CTU adjusted their clocks accordingly. 87 7.1
    16 On a high school math test, Jack Bauer put down “Violence” as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Jack Bauer solves all his problems with Violence. 219 7.1
    17 If Jack Bauer gives you his word that you’ll get your deal, then he really means it. Unless you killed David Palmer. Then you’re fucked. 90 7.09
    18 On Jack Bauer’s Tax Returns, he has to claim the entire world as his dependents. 185 7.06
    19 The only prerequisite to becoming a CTU security guard is being able to accept being rendered unconscious by Jack Bauer. 94 7.05

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