Archive for the ‘General’ Category.

New Traffic Light Timing on Valencia Street

I just called San Francisco 311 to offer a compliment to the city. The city changed the traffic light timing on Valencia Street between 16th and 25th about 4 months ago. It is now a green wave at 15 13.5 miles per hour in both directions. I love it.

Update 3-22-12: I drove the route and verified that the wave is 13.5 mph from 16th st to 24th st, not 15mph like I originally thought. Back to original post…

For cars, it offers traffic calming and  consistency. If you drive at 13.5mph, you’ll hit a green light at every intersection. Drivers make their way down the road roughly as fast but it’s less stressful. And if a driver -really- wants to go around this sluggish feeling traffic, they can take South Van Ness or Guerrero.

It is easy for bikes to keep up with the pace of traffic, making it feel safer because  there is no speed difference between cars and bikes. Going up-hill from 18th-21st it’s a healthy challenge to keep up with the lights. It’s an odd thrill on a bike, meeting up with the same cars at every light.

Pedestrians have less to worry about because traffic is moving slower and more  consistently. The strip from 15th to 25th is a pedestrian-friendly shopping and living district, now moreso!

My only complaint: I want to see more of this!

Also read this article on SF Streetsblog that talks about the Valencia Street re-timing.

Burning Man Feedback: Stolen bike Lost and Found and Yellow Bikes Travis

On the Wednesday of Burning Man, my bike was stolen. I had parked it in front of Soma with a cheap 4 number wire lock on the front wheel. So no drunkard took it, the lock was cut with tin snips or better :-(. And darn it, I was less than 5 minutes away from seeing the thief. I had glanced at my bike and decided not to leave yet, I took a quick stroll around the Soma fuel depot and went back to the bike. I immediately found my jacket on the ground, which had been sitting on the back of my bike… but no bike. But no matter.

I sent this letter to Feedback @ Burning Man today.

————————————————–
This is a letter mostly about stolen bike policies. I apologize in advance if it comes off as an angry letter. I really want to help improve on the state of things which is why I am bringing these issues to you.

At about 6pm on Monday, the last day of Burning Man I spoke with a man named Travis who was moving Yellow Bikes around on a truck. He drove up to me and some aquaintances at Center Camp and asked what we were doing. We had been looking around at the rows of unclaimed bikes. I explained that my bike had been stolen and I was looking for it or a suitable replacement. He gave me a long cold evil-eye stare and very strongly told me not to take a bike that didn’t belong to me but instead fill out a form at Playa Info, or that I could fill out a form with him the next day, Tuesday. We then went our ways.

1) I went to Playa Info and the place had already been disassembled. In its space there was a shade structure, a desk and some papers on the desk. The papers did not concern a Lost and Found registry. Obviously there would be no way to find Travis again since I learned nothing more from him except his name. So could anyone ever possibly fill out a Lost and Found bike form?

2) The 2009 Survival Guide has no mention of a Lost and Found registry. The Burning Man website mentions “At the end of the event, lost bikes (e.g. abandoned ones that have been gathered up) can be recovered at Playa Info. Unclaimed bikes are donated to Reno-based non-profits”. I note that they are not talking about a Lost and Found registry. So how could I have known about this mythical Lost and Found registry without angry Travis and his evil eye burning my guilty soul?

3) Most importantly, let’s say that Travis is right and I found the Lost and Found bike registry. It is obvious this would serve no one. I can imagine the phone call I might get a week after Burning Man, “Hey we found your bike. It’s in a pile of other bikes in Gerlach. You can either come and get it or we’ll donate it.” If I actually got that phone call, I’d be -very- angry.

So, in short, I’d like to ask Travis from Yellow Bikes (and Burning Man) how he can justify trying to push on me and presumably other people a policy of a Lost and Found bike registry that has an absolutely 0% chance of returning any bikes to their owners.

Some possibly better solutions include:
– a laissez faire policy about bikes
– publicizing and operating a Lost and Found registry (I dunno, sounds like a lot of work)
– encouraging and supporting volunteer efforts (I’ve heard that previous volunteer efforts met with mediocre success)

Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I look forward to my new bike being stolen in the big Metropolis in the desert next year ;-)

Lee Sonko

Brown Chicken Brown Cow!!

Aaaa! CTP, I need to own this button!brown-chicken-brown-cow

At the beginning of Burning Man this year, a woman told me this joke. vowed that I would retell it to as many people as I possibly could. I’d let it spark conversations and start a revolution.  I ended up retelling it to maybe fifty or a hundred people! I asked, “Now, it’s your job to tell two friends. And tell them to tell two friends! With luck, by the end of the event every person will be telling every other person this joke constantly. It will become the new ‘Aloha'”!

Telling this joke started many an excellent conversation. By the end of the event, I had 2 variants.

Simple version

me – Do you know what the two sexiest barnyard animals are?
them – umm
me – [bow chicka 70’s song mode] Brown Chicken Brown Cow!” [/bow chicka 70’s song mode]

Long version

me – I was wondering, what do you think are the two sexiest barnyard animals?
[let weird thoughtful conversation commence for a few minutes]
me – You know, for me, [thoughtful pause] I’ve gotta say that the two sexiest barnyard animals have to be [bow chicka 70’s song mode] brown chicken brown cow [/bow chicka 70’s song mode].

It served as an introduction, just walking up to a stranger and starting in with the question. It could break a lull in conversation. It served as fodder for conversation, I’d ask which version they liked better or right pronunciation of the punch line; man, people had a lot of opinions on the correct pronunciation, fun! It was viral… it is viral! Tell your friend and plant the virus in their brain! It is a wonderful joke.

I have to thank the beautiful person who first told it to me!

Note: when telling the punchline, and at no other time during the joke, it is vitally important that you bob your head up and down, left and right, and forward and back! It is a complex motion but I can not be held responsible if you do not follow this practice! To perform the maneuver, imagine you are alternately trying to use your nose to touch two points, one just above and to your left and the other just above and to your right. Practice!

BaconFest!

Macaroni and cheese lubricated with bacon fat – curiously fabulous

Bacon wrapped figs with goat cheese – sublime joy

Cupcakes with bacon icing – yes, cupcakes with bacon!

Bacon wrapped  jalapeño poppers  – Powie! Zowie!

Mini bacon bread buns – one of my contributions!bacon bread

Italian spiced bacon bread rollup – mine! got a couple good reviews :-)

Jesse’s Bacon Wheel Casserole – as he described it, “…just a tuna noodle casserole BUT we use wagon-wheel shaped pasta, AND use bacon instead of tuna. The idea is that the small pieces of bacon will get lodged between the spokes of the wheel.” !! :-)

There were more bacon based finger foods that I consumed that added to the joy of the evening but, alas I forget what they were! Phoey!

Excellent conversation with Susie!

It was startling how within 15 minutes of arrival there was this bacon fueled frenzy of eating and “om om nom nom om!” and heated conversation with eye-rolling-back goodness. It’s weird that it’s hard to put my finger exactly on why it was so good. It was little like being drunk. It was… dare I say, the magic of bacon!

CTP had left a pile of awesome bacon themed buttons. CTP is awesome.

“Bacon: The Gateway Meat”

“Bacon: It’s what’s for dinner”

“Bacon: It’s what’s for desert”

“1: Kittens
2: ???
3: Bacon
4: Genitals
5: Safety”

(If you don’t get that numbered list, historically, safety was first but it had recently fallen to third. But bacon is the new safety and.. well, it’s funny, just trust me!)

President Obama wins the Nobel Peace Prize

Wow, the Norsemen really love Barak!

Publicly, that’s all I can say. Privately, I say “Yes!”

Military jets really set me on edge

The fricking Blue Angels are strafing the city again, it must be Fleet Week. At first I didn’t really notice it. Now, after 4 hours, every time I hear those machines go screaming by, my guts tells me, “Shit! Shit! Shit! You’re gonna get killed! DO something!” My guts seem to be more worried about the building being bombed and me being crushed than getting shot per se.

Not fun.

They can stop now.

Any time they want.

A BB Gun For My Birthday! Powerline 880s Air Gun

Charlotte got me a Daisy Powerline 880s airgun that shoots BBs and pellets for my birthday. Wee!

powerline 880s-1

powerline 880s-2

Local copy of Powerline 880 Manual

I can now blow the heck out of any cardboard box within 200 yard radius! Those boxes don’t stand a chance!

Rice with spinach, pignolias and lonza

I was throwing together dinner with stuff I had on hand, rice, some pignolia nuts and  spinach from the freezer. It needed something meaty but I didn’t have any meat in the freezer. I had lonza from Jessup  so I sliced some thin and chopped it so it looked like confetti. It was a culinary revelation! The salt, the texture against the rice, the chew! Wonderful!

Please call the California governor before 10-9-09 to veto 2 new dumb gun laws

In brief, 2 gun laws just passed, one specifically banning gun shows at a particular location by name, the Cow Palace just south of San Francisco. The other law makes it a big expensive hassle to sell handgun ammunition including “requir[ing] handgun ammunition vendors to obtain a thumbprint and other information from ammunition purchasers…” and “handgun ammunition may only occur in a face-to-face transaction, with the deliverer or transferor being provided bona fide evidence of identity of the purchaser or other transferee.” That makes handgun ammunition something of a controlled substance (but feel free to open up on your neighbors with a shotgun)

The governor can veto these laws up to 30 days after they passed. That’s October 9th or so. Please call the governor’s automated telephone voting system right now and request that he veto these laws. Here’s how:

FOR AB962 (Ban on Internet Ammo Sales) passed 9/11/09:
Step 1: Call 916-445-2841 (Governor)
Step 2: Press 1 for English
Step 3: Press 2 to comment on a bill
Step 4: Press 2 for AB962
Step 5: Press 2 for Oppose (VETO)

FOR SB585 (Ban on Cow Palace Gun Show) passed 9/9/09:
Step 1: Call 916-445-2841 (Governor)
Step 2: Press 1 for English
Step 3: Press 2 to comment on a bill
Step 4: Press 3 for SB585
Step 5: Press 2 for Oppose (VETO)

I’ve written 2 other posts about this:

Teller gives away the secret to his career in magic

This is fantastic. Teller (Penn &…) responded to a young Brian Brushwood’s letter with some excellent wisdom. Yes, I can tell you that Brian uses these bits of wisdom in his act every day. It’s really very simple.

You should read this on Brian’s site, but here is an archive of the discussion

From Brian (on Tuesday, Oct 17, 1995):

Date: Tuesday, Oct 17, 1995
From: “Brian Allen Brushwood”
Subject: Fury
To: “Teller”

All right. I have put it off long enough. I told myself I would wait to write you until I had something meaningful to say, but I have been sitting on your address (figuratively) for months now, and am fed up with waiting.
The fact is, Teller, I am furious at you.
Not for offending anyone, for being outrageous, or for being so inventive with your magic, but because you were there first. In Genii magazine, you make a brilliant point of explaining that regardless of the true origin of a trick, whoever is most famous performing it OWNS it (I believe you cited your new “ownership” the bullet catch). Unfortunately, I don’t believe you extended this idea far enough. This concept reaches all the way into the very attitudes and styles of performance. In short, because of Penn and Teller, I cannot be angry at magic, at least not on stage.
It seems to me, that just as you own the Bullet Catch, so do you own the ability to lash out at magic, to act as a vent for your audiences frustrations with the cruise-ship trickymen. Not to mention the use of blood and/or violence in a humorous way. Hell! You might even own the two-male duo! All this ownership has kept me from doing the kind of stage (and close-up, believe it or not) magic I want, for fear of being branded a copycat.
This summer, I attempted to tackle this problem by writing a couple of two male duo acts, trying my damnedest to keep the P&T out of my veins; it met with some success. One act, consisting of two comedy magic character peices (A drill instructor who performs the “coloring book”, A gibberish-speaking samurai who performs a card-trick that ends in Hara-kiri) won the Texas Association of Magicians Senior Comedy competition. However, I find it difficult to follow your advice of “letting hate, not love, be your driving force” (which is absolutely true) and at the same time keep from becoming a P&T wannabe.
If you could offer any advice on how you established your own character and style, I would greatly appreciate it.

Brian Allen Brushwood

Just writing the letter was cathartic… I mean after all, who was I to Teller? I would have been perfectly happy to get a five word courtesy response, but to my absolute astonishment, the next morning I found the following mind-blowing essay in my inbox:

Teller’s Response:

Date: Wed, 18 Oct 1995 3:40:27 -0500 (CDT)
From: “Teller”
Subject: Fury
To: “Brian Allen Brushwood”

My dear bastard son,

It is about time you wrote, my boy.

Now, calm down. Remind yourself of a few things.

I am 47. I have been earning my living in show business for twenty years. I have been doing magic since I was five, which makes it 42 years. And I had the good fortune to (a) meet Penn and (b) become an off-Broadway hit at the exact right moment in time.

When we started we HAD no style, no understanding of ourselves or what we were doing. We had feelings, vague ones, a sense of what we liked, maybe, but no unified point of view, not even a real way to express our partnership. We fought constantly and expected to break up every other week. But we did have a few things, things I think you might profit from knowing:

We loved what we did. More than anything. More than sex. Absolutely.

We always felt as if every show was the most important thing in the world, but knew if we bombed, we’d live.

We did not start as friends, but as people who respected and admired each other. Crucial, absolutely crucial for a partnership. As soon as we could afford it, we ceased sharing lodgings. Equally crucial.

We made a solemn vow not to take any job outside of show business. We
borrowed money from parents and friends, rather than take that lethal job waiting tables. This forced us to take any job offered to us. Anything. We once did a show in the middle of the Benjamin Franklin Parkway in Philadelphia as part of a fashion show on a hot July night while all around our stage, a race-riot was fully underway. That’s how serious we were about our vow.

Get on stage. A lot. Try stuff. Make your best stab and keep stabbing. If it’s there in your heart, it will eventually find its way out. Or you will give up and have a prudent, contented life doing something else.

Penn sees things differently from the way I do. But I really feel as if the things we create together are not things we devised, but things we discovered, as if, in some sense, they were always there in us, waiting to be revealed, like the figure of Mercury waiting in a rough lump of marble.

Have heroes outside of magic. Mine are Hitchcock, Poe, Sophocles, Shakespeare, and Bach. You’re welcome to borrow them, but you must learn to love them yourself for your own reasons. Then they’ll push you in the right direction.

Here’s a compositional secret. It’s so obvious and simple, you’ll say to yourself, “This man is bullshitting me.” I am not. This is one of the most fundamental things in all theatrical movie composition and yet magicians know nothing of it. Ready?

Surprise me.

That’s it. Place 2 and 2 right in front of my nose, but make me think I’m seeing 5. Then reveal the truth, 4!, and surprise me.

Now, don’t underestimate me, like the rest of the magicians of the world. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that I’ve never seen a set of linking rings before and I’ll be oh-so-stunned because you can “link” them. Bullshit.

Here’s how surprise works. While holding my attention, you withold basic plot information. Feed it to me little by little. Make me try and figure out what’s going on. Tease me in one direction. Throw in a false ending. Then turn it around and flip me over.

I do the old Needle trick. I get a guy up on stage, who examines the needles. I swallow them. He searches my mouth. They’re gone. I dismiss him and he leaves the stage. The audience thinks the trick is over. Then I take out the thread. “Haha! Floss!” they exclaim. I eat the floss. Then the wise ones start saying, “Not floss, thread. Thread. Needles. Needles and thread. Ohmygod he’s going to thread the need…” And by that time they’re out and sparkling in the sunshine.

Read Rouald Dahl. Watch the old Alfred Hitchcock episodes. Surprise. Withold information. Make them say, “What the hell’s he up to? Where’s this going to go?” and don’t give them a clue where it’s going. And when it finally gets there, let it land. An ending.

It took me eight years (are you listening?) EIGHT YEARS to come up with a way of delivering the Miser’s Dream that had surprises and and ENDING.

Love something besides magic, in the arts. Get inspired by a particular poet, film-maker, sculptor, composer. You will never be the first Brian Allen Brushwood of magic if you want to be Penn & Teller. But if you want to be, say, the Salvador Dali of magic, we’ll THERE’S an opening.

I should be a film editor. I’m a magician. And if I’m good, it’s because I should be a film editor. Bach should have written opera or plays. But instead, he worked in eighteenth-century counterpoint. That’s why his counterpoints have so much more point than other contrapuntalists. They have passion and plot. Shakespeare, on the other hand, should have been a musician, writing counterpoint. That’s why his plays stand out from the others through their plot and music.

I’m tired now. I’ve been writing to you, my dear bastard son, for 45 minutes merely because, tonight, I’m remembering that evening I first met your mother in Rio, during Carnival…ah!…and how we loved!

paternally,

TELLER

Without a doubt, reading these words set me on the path to where I am today. For anyone wanting to make a living doing something artistic, I hope his words are as helpful to you as they were to me.

Thanks again, Teller.