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A friend from middle school just Friended me on Facebook and asked “Catch me up on the last 30 years”
My response:

Went to Tufts University, stayed in Boston working tech until a breakup made we want to move away. NYC for a few years with a few relationships til the dot-com bust. Moved home to connect with family and regroup. Two of my friends from that time have since passed. Moved to San Francisco after attending Burning Man in 2004. Loved building really big art, traveled the world a bit with art and work: India is a place of insane contrasts, Americans don’t comprehend the cultural rift we have with Saudi Arabia. I sometimes teach building robots and flame effects. Not loving working in tech, I started toward medicine in 2011, finished my master’s and started work as a pediatric occupational therapist in 2017. Got married in 2014, became a dad to an amazing daughter in 2015. Living in Berkeley and life remains imperfect.

Full instructions:

1. Get a magic eraser pad, any brand will do
2. Get the pad wet
3. Rub gently back and forth, up and down on the windshield. Rub gently, it’s an abrasive!
4. Clean the windshield with your favorite glass cleaner
5. Triumph in joy!

If you use Cricket Wireless, you may have found, like me, that Cricket Visual Voicemail sucks. Here’s how to change to using Google Voice voicemail.

Step 1: Get free a Google Voice account  with a new phone number

Step 2: Set up conditional call forwarding like so:

**004*[your google voice number]#

Step 3: Have someone call you and the call should be answered by your google voice. Rejoice in the non-suckyness!

You can disable this forwarding with  #004#

You can read more about conditional call forwarding for GSM phones here

Update 11-6-19: On the Google Pixel 2, I was unable to use the **004* code. It threw an error. So I did what a few websites recommended: Put the SIM card into another phone, type in the code above, put the SIM card back in your phone. Done!

Why do I say the Cricket Visual Voicemail Android app sucks?

• I have to push most buttons twice for it to work (sounds crazy? it is!)
• When I start playing a voicemail, the first 3 seconds play and then it stops. Hitting play (twice) restarts it as long as I’ve waited the magically determined amount of time. It’s crazymaking like having a big piece of lint under one of my keys!
• It often doesn’t transcribe my messages
• I’ve had these exact same problems for 3 years and 2 phones

What do you do with a sick boat?
Take it to the doc!

A neutron walks into a bar and asks “how much for a beer?” The bartender says, “for you? no charge.”

Two hydrogen atoms are walking down the street. One stops, looks in his pockets and says, “Wait, I think I lost an electron!” The other says, “Are you sure?” The first says, “Yes! I’m positive!”

A helium atom walks into a bar and the bartender says ” we don’t serve noble gases here.”
No reaction.

Did you hear about the uranium atoms that went to the anti war rally. They got bored and split.

Two uranium atoms are at an anti-war rally. From the other side of the way an atom throws a proton and hits one of them right in the head. The other says, “Don’t let his negativity effect you!”

What do you call a bear with no teeth?
Gummi-bear!

A drum and a cymbal fall off a cliff
[Ba dum bum, tssss!]

What do you get if you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi!

What do you call a fish with no eye?
fffsssshhhhh

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
BECAUSE IT’S POINTLESS!

What do vegan zombies love more than anything in the whole world?
Graaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaains!

What did one snowman say to the other?
Do you smell carrots?

what do you do with epileptic lettuce?
You make a seizure salad!

There’s two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says
‘You man the guns, I’ll drive’

A man didn’t like his haircut, but it started to grow on him.

Guy walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under arm. Says to the bartender: “I’ll take a beer, and one for the road.”

Why did the cowboy adopt a weiner dog?
He wanted to get a long little doggy!

How does the man in the moon cut his hair?
ECLIPSE IT!

Where does George Washington keep his armies?
In his sleevies!

Why does a moon rock taste better than an earth rock?
Because its a little meteor!