CSI Miami is Stupid

A year ago a friend told me that he liked and enjoyed the science of CSI Miami. I then watched a random episode (CSI Miami 425) and took notes…

CSI Miami 425

The scene opens. Several Hispanic men are relaxing outdoors. A man walks up with a machine gun with a 40 round magazine. He kills everyone with 80 rounds without reloading

While investigating the murders a few minutes later, “Jessop” a Miami police officer working with CSI sees a note sticking out of a partially open door. Without gloves, dusting for prints, photographing the scene or looking carefully at it, he takes the note out of the door, inadvertently setting off a grenade. Some time later, a CSI lady (wearing gloves and being far more careful) investigates the now-dead officer’s body….

Two CSI people talking a minute later, “I see guns [in the victims’ hands]. Why didn’t they fight back?”
“It was probably a surprise attack. Besides, [picking up a spent 7.62 mm cartridge] I don’t think a 9 mil would have worked against these.”
Huh? 9mm bullets do a perfectly fine job of killing people, thank you very much.

They found a guy with TNT on his hands at an airport with a fictitious scanner. It sniffed the amient air around the person. Actual machines use a swab from a person or object. (update: such machines are made. I learned something from CSI: Miami)

Horatio interviewed a suspect. Horatio is CSI but only a police officer would interrogate him.

“The marks on the casing were made by a Russian-made Grinkov”
A Grinkov is a Russian Olympic skater, not a rifle.
Though in my search for Russian dancers, I found a very interesting site on rifle forensics (http://www.firearmsid.com) (Update 10-18-09 John points out that a Krinkov is a real gun, see below!)

They tracked the bad guy “Diego” by the GPS in his phone. Horatio needed to call Diego to get a trace and then loses the trace when Diego hangs up. In fact, they didn’t need to keep Diego on the line; they could track him as long as his cell phone is turned on. Here is such a service in England (http://www.world-tracker.com/) A free service like this doesn’t exist in the US but the tech does.

They found shrink wrap that was previously wrapped around a box approximately 2′ x 2′ x 6′. Knowing that it was from a bad guy’s house that was an arms dealer, they made the (obvious(???)) conclusion that it had previously held a hand-held surface-to-air missile. Horatio must be a super-duper genius.

Realizing this, Horatio instantly realized that the only thing the bad guy might do with such a weapon is shoot down the next plane the bad guy spotted taking off from Miami airport. So Horatio jumps in his truck and drives directly to the only obvious spot where a person might shoot down a plane from (???). They confront one another and Horatio saves the day.


  1. brian says:

    Huh? 9mm bullets do a perfectly fine job of killing people, thank you very much.

    That might be accurate – in my limited dealings with the Police they generally know two things about firearms – diddly and squat.

  2. […] 90% of everything is crap…and Lee is taking notes. […]

  3. Adoros says:

    Do they think the bullets are supposed to stop.. other bullets? Like a .00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000001% chance of that happening….

  4. Becca says:

    CSI is not actually a bad show. That stupid man with the horrible red hair is what ruins it! I have never seen such bad acting in my entire life. He speaks as though he is some sort of intelligent god and he must speak slow enough so everyone around him can write down his thoughts. His sunglasses kill me. I would actually be a fan of this show if he wasnt on it.

  5. James says:

    I watch CSI:Miami pretty religiously though I don’t know why…I suspect it is like the wreck that you just can’t turn away from. You haven’t even scratched the surface of the inanity of this show and Horatio’s posing and one liners are just amusing at this point.

    I can suspend my credulity and accept that toxicology and DNA panels can be run in matter of minutes (hey, it’s only a one hour show). Everybody loves technology so I can live with computers that display in thin air and have exact DNA matches for every criminal that ever lived despite the fact that all I ever hear cops (especially the FBI) in the real world saying is that their equipment is antiquated.

    I am continually bemused that a bunch of lab rats are running around making arrests etc. and acting like real cops….Hell, even acting like they run the whole damned apartment. But the obvious technical flubs and the leaps of logic just kill me.

    Your catch on the 9mm stopping the 7.62 and the shrink-wrap-must-be-from-a-missile is more along the line of what gets my hackles up. I can add two more off the top of my head for you to ponder:
    1. A spent casing was found by the body of a man and woman that were both killed by a sharp instrument to the brain. The casing was identified as a “5.(something)x28″…”a monster round”. A what? A monster???? It’s a friggin pipsqueak!!!! In any event the next logical assumption is that there’s a bank heist coming. Wow! All that from one spent casing? That may or may not have had anything to do with the murders? Somebody couldn’t have just been out plinking? If the intent is nefarious then why not a prison break? Or a simple mass murder?

    2. A party was shot up by a guy cruising by on a yacht. When Horatio arrives on the scene he is informed by Delko that the gun was a .30-’06 but they hadn’t yet determined where the shots were fired from. Now, given what we know, HOW THE HELL DID THEY DETERMINE THAT IT WAS AN ‘O6? The spent casings have got to either be on that boat or at the bottom of the watercourse so to know the cartridge they would have to know at least that the shots came from a boat!

    Accept Caruso’s bad acting for the entertainment value it provides (Everybody likes to laugh at an idiot). Enjoy the pretty girls. Speculate on whodunit. But those writers all need to be summarily fired before they can sink this show any deeper than it is!

  6. jasonxknot says:

    CSI Miami is fucking stupid and no where close to the real thing. fuck, none of those shows are close. nothing about them is real. the setting, the drama , all that crap. watch first 48, now thats the real shit.

  7. john says:

    It’s a Krinkov – a smaller version of the AK-47 – yes, it’s real.

  8. luka3rd says:

    It is absolutely the most stupid TV Series EVER! Worst acting on the planet!
    I don’t get it, It seem that the US people got very dumb over the decades so TV shows like Flashforward cannot survive, but this JUNK… auwgh…. Hate it!

  9. john says:

    even though the police in real life don’t solve crimes that quicly or in that high percentage, the show does portray what is technically feasible. BTW: Eva la Rue does an amazing job at portraying attractive detective Natalia Boa Vista.

  10. Dan says:

    Something about it being a TV drama… that’s right, it is highly likely to be inaccurate and far fetched because it makes for a better story line. If you want correctness you should watch True TV.

  11. John says:

    If you don’t like it, don’t watch it. As for me and my telly, we’ll stand by Natalya and the CSI Miami team. The show has drama, genuine science, interesting stories, girls in bikinis and sexy outfits, hot cars.What straight guy wouldn’t love this show. Oops, maybe I just stumbled upon the answer.

  12. James says:

    John, You are an idiot. If you think that what they depict is genuine science then…well, I just can’t say it any other way; You’re an idiot. As for hot chicks (your insinuation that someone is queer for disliking this crapfest of a TV show, is further proof that you are an idiot), there are far better sources without all of the stupidity spouted by your fellow idiots.

    Dan, Good drama and technical accuracy are not mutually exclusive any more than “reality TV” has a damned thing to do with reality. I have found the optimal solution though; I have turned off the TV and have gone outside to play in the real world.

  13. lee says:

    James, please write in a more civil manner. Feel free to comment on the show but calling a virtual stranger on the internet a name is poor form. Thanks.

  14. Matt Bansberg says:

    I don’t think CSI Miami is stupid. Although there are some flaws to some of the investigations, yet those flaws made the show very realistic.

  15. TGreat says:

    I watched a CSI Miami a couple nights ago just to see if there were any improvements. Nope. Its worse. Inane story. Terrible acting. I had to turn it off after the “Callie and her Amazing Potato Gun Building Expertise” scene. Ok I’ve had my say. Thanks!

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