The Droid Phone Marketing Freaks Me Out

It’s a single evil red eye scanning, absorbing and p0wning your world.

It’s the new Verizon Droid!

droid evil eye

evil verizon droid

It’s like a little Terminator in your pocket, right next to your junk.

Terminator droid

It’s a bit of Sauron in your pants!

barad-dur sauron droid

It’s the little man that will suffocate you in outer space.

hal9000 droid

The TV ad (which can be seen on their web site by clicking “Stealth” on the Droid wheel-o-doom) sells the phone as being the protagonist in a horror movie. Remember The Andromeda Strain? The Blob from 1988? War of the Worlds?  This is how they all start.

local version:

cruel rein droid 4100825307_c9e2822bc0_bTheir billboards even TELL YOU they are going to kill us all. “Here ends the cruel rein of adorable phones” and “A muscle made of microchips”(that will crush human skulls beneath their robotic claw-feet…) (photo via) and “A bare knuckled bucket of does”(that will punch you in the face and steal your world) (photo via)

droid knuckles 4075337447_c8ecef1157_b (1)And if they didn’t scare you enough, the web site for the Droid has this sound track right out of… oh I don’t know, every fricking horror movie ever made. It’s the sounds you hear in Half-Life 2 when you’re in the room just before the room that the squid-headed zombified people are going to attack you in.

My aunt tried a Droid at a Verizon store today and she really liked it. She told me how they have reeducation classes to show you how the phones work.

And remember, “Android Does” is an anagram for both “Donor is dead” and “Dread id soon”!


  1. lee says:

    I saw this in Facebook today. Now the Droid can see and track you with stereo vision. All the better to gauge range to the target, my dear.

    droid evil eyes

  2. lee says:

    I just read how Garrick Van Buren likes the new Verizon Android phone, except of course…

    In an earlier post — I criticized Verizon’s Droid TV ad for being the anti-1984 — for bringing the sense of an oppressive, non-descript, technical figure. Unfortunately, this notion is also in the device itself….the Droid starts up with a HAL 9000-esque glowing red eye.

    Ominous. Foreboding. Completely out of place.

    Nothing else in the Android v2.0 interface is red, threating, or sci-fi-y Everything is clear, polished, crisp, and at no point did I feel the device wanted me dead.
    Slightly annoyed in parts, sure, but not dead.

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