{"id":3258,"date":"2009-12-08T12:49:44","date_gmt":"2009-12-08T20:49:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/?p=3258"},"modified":"2013-05-04T10:40:51","modified_gmt":"2013-05-04T17:40:51","slug":"the-droid-phone-marketing-freaks-me-out","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/2009\/12\/08\/the-droid-phone-marketing-freaks-me-out\/","title":{"rendered":"The Droid Phone Marketing Freaks Me Out"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s a single evil red eye scanning, absorbing and p0wning your world.<\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s the new Verizon Droid!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-evil-eye.png\"><\/a><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-3266\" title=\"droid evil eye\" src=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-evil-eye.png\" alt=\"droid evil eye\" width=\"600\" height=\"357\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-evil-eye.png 600w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-evil-eye-200x119.png 200w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-evil-eye-300x178.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\" \/><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/evil-verizon-droid.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-3262\" title=\"evil verizon droid\" src=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/evil-verizon-droid-300x234.png\" alt=\"evil verizon droid\" width=\"300\" height=\"234\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/evil-verizon-droid-300x234.png 300w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/evil-verizon-droid-200x156.png 200w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/evil-verizon-droid-1024x798.png 1024w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/evil-verizon-droid.png 1037w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s like a little Terminator in your pocket, right next to your junk.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/Terminator-droid.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-3259\" title=\"Terminator droid\" src=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/Terminator-droid-200x300.jpg\" alt=\"Terminator droid\" width=\"200\" height=\"300\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/Terminator-droid-200x300.jpg 200w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/Terminator-droid-133x200.jpg 133w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/Terminator-droid.jpg 434w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s a bit of Sauron in your pants!<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/barad-dur-sauron-droid.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-3260\" title=\"barad-dur sauron droid\" src=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/barad-dur-sauron-droid-300x228.jpg\" alt=\"barad-dur sauron droid\" width=\"300\" height=\"228\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/barad-dur-sauron-droid-300x228.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/barad-dur-sauron-droid-200x152.jpg 200w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/barad-dur-sauron-droid.jpg 800w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>It&#8217;s the little man that will suffocate you in outer space.<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/hal9000-droid.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-medium wp-image-3261\" title=\"hal9000 droid\" src=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/hal9000-droid-300x225.jpg\" alt=\"hal9000 droid\" width=\"300\" height=\"225\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/hal9000-droid-300x225.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/hal9000-droid-200x150.jpg 200w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/hal9000-droid.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/><\/a><\/p>\n<p>The TV ad (which can be seen on their web site by clicking &#8220;Stealth&#8221; on the Droid wheel-o-doom) sells the phone as being the protagonist in a horror movie. Remember The Andromeda Strain? The Blob from 1988? War of the Worlds? \u00a0<strong>This<\/strong> is how they all start.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Motorola DROID: Stealth commercial\" width=\"500\" height=\"375\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/o9fXYQjwR0w?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>local version: <div style=\"width: 640px;\" class=\"wp-video\"><video class=\"wp-video-shortcode\" id=\"video-3258-1\" width=\"640\" height=\"360\" preload=\"metadata\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"video\/mp4\" src=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/video\/Motorola%20DROID-%20Stealth%20commercial%2012-8-09.mp4?_=1\" \/><a href=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/video\/Motorola%20DROID-%20Stealth%20commercial%2012-8-09.mp4\">http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/video\/Motorola%20DROID-%20Stealth%20commercial%2012-8-09.mp4<\/a><\/video><\/div><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/cruel-rein-droid-4100825307_c9e2822bc0_b.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignright size-thumbnail wp-image-3263\" title=\"cruel rein droid 4100825307_c9e2822bc0_b\" src=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/cruel-rein-droid-4100825307_c9e2822bc0_b-200x132.jpg\" alt=\"cruel rein droid 4100825307_c9e2822bc0_b\" width=\"200\" height=\"132\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/cruel-rein-droid-4100825307_c9e2822bc0_b-200x132.jpg 200w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/cruel-rein-droid-4100825307_c9e2822bc0_b-300x199.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/cruel-rein-droid-4100825307_c9e2822bc0_b.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\" \/><\/a>Their billboards even TELL YOU they are going to kill us all. &#8220;Here ends the cruel rein of adorable phones&#8221; and &#8220;A muscle made of microchips&#8221;(that will crush human skulls beneath their robotic claw-feet&#8230;) (photo <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/kadath\/4100825307\/\">via<\/a>) and &#8220;A bare knuckled bucket of does&#8221;(that will punch you in the face and steal your world) (photo <a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/cdevers\/4075337447\/\">via<\/a>)<\/p>\n<p><a href=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-knuckles-4075337447_c8ecef1157_b-1.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-thumbnail wp-image-3264\" title=\"droid knuckles 4075337447_c8ecef1157_b (1)\" src=\"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-knuckles-4075337447_c8ecef1157_b-1-200x133.jpg\" alt=\"droid knuckles 4075337447_c8ecef1157_b (1)\" width=\"200\" height=\"133\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-knuckles-4075337447_c8ecef1157_b-1-200x133.jpg 200w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-knuckles-4075337447_c8ecef1157_b-1-300x199.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2009\/12\/droid-knuckles-4075337447_c8ecef1157_b-1.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 200px) 100vw, 200px\" \/><\/a>And if they didn&#8217;t scare you enough, the web site for the Droid has this sound track right out of&#8230; oh I don&#8217;t know, every fricking horror movie ever made. It&#8217;s the sounds you hear in Half-Life 2 when you&#8217;re in the room just before the room that the squid-headed zombified people are going to attack you in.<\/p>\n<p>My aunt tried a Droid at a Verizon store today and she really liked it. She told me how they have <span style=\"text-decoration: line-through;\">re<\/span>education classes to show you how the phones work.<\/p>\n<p>And remember, &#8220;Android Does&#8221; is an anagram for both &#8220;Donor is dead&#8221; and &#8220;Dread id soon&#8221;!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>It&#8217;s a single evil red eye scanning, absorbing and p0wning your world. It&#8217;s the new Verizon Droid! It&#8217;s like a little Terminator in your pocket, right next to your junk. It&#8217;s a bit of Sauron in your pants! It&#8217;s the little man that will suffocate you in outer space. The TV ad (which can be [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poor-design-workshop"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3258","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3258"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3258\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3267,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3258\/revisions\/3267"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3258"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3258"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3258"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}