{"id":1954,"date":"2008-04-19T12:14:39","date_gmt":"2008-04-19T20:14:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/lee.org\/blog\/?p=1954"},"modified":"2020-02-22T18:25:11","modified_gmt":"2020-02-23T02:25:11","slug":"howto-be-a-homeopathic-bioterrorist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/2008\/04\/19\/howto-be-a-homeopathic-bioterrorist\/","title":{"rendered":"HOWTO: Be a homeopathic bioterrorist"},"content":{"rendered":"

This HOWTO was written by Paul Kuliniewicz<\/a>. Reproduced here under CC license<\/a>.<\/p>\n

————————————————–<\/p>\n

\n

HOWTO: Be a homeopathic bioterrorist<\/a><\/h2>\n
\n
Posted in Satire<\/a> on September 12, 2007 at 11:39 pm.<\/div>\n
    \n
  1. Buy a carton of orange juice and 30 1-gallon jugs of water.<\/li>\n
  2. Place one drop of orange juice into one of the jugs of water. Shake.<\/li>\n
  3. Take one drop of that dilution and place it into the next jug of water. Shake.<\/li>\n
  4. Take one drop of that<\/em> dilution and place it into the next jug of water. Shake.<\/li>\n
  5. Repeat the process until you reach the last jug of water.<\/li>\n
  6. Take a drop of that final dilution and place it into your municipality\u2019s water supply.<\/li>\n
  7. Everyone gets scurvy!<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    Frequently Asked Questions<\/h4>\n

    WTF?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    According to homeopathy<\/a>, \u00a0a substance that causes the symptoms of a disease in healthy people will cure that disease in sick people, and diluting a substance makes it more potent. \u00a0While traditional homeopathy creates medicine by diluting harmful subtances, we can apply the same principles to weaponize healthy substances. Since orange juice has lots of vitamin C, a homeopathic dilution of orange juice would induce a crippling vitamin C deficiency in anyone who drank it.<\/p>\n

    How does diluting something make it more powerful?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Because some guy<\/a> in the eighteenth century decided it does.<\/p>\n

    How does diluting something make it have the opposite effect it normally does?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Because that same guy decided it does.<\/p>\n

    Neither of those makes any sense.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    I\u2019m sorry, I didn\u2019t know you were in the pocket of Big Pharma, you soulless corporate shill.<\/p>\n

    I mean, at that level of dilution, it\u2019s unlikely there\u2019s even a single molecule of orange juice in the water.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    So? There doesn\u2019t have to be. The water remembers what was in it.<\/p>\n

    How does that work, exactly?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Dissolved silica from the container. Or aerosols that get mixed in during shaking. Or quantum entanglement. Or friction with a fancy-sounding name.<\/a> Which one sounds the most sciency? Because it\u2019s that one. I was just joking about those other ones. Though they\u2019re also true. Even though they\u2019re mutually contradictory.<\/p>\n

    Is there any scientific evidence any of those are actually the mechanism?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Sure! I totally know a guy who knows a guy who tried it, and it totally worked.<\/p>\n

    No, I mean is there any scientific<\/em> evidence? You know, double-blind tests and controls and null hypotheses and everything.<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Well, no, not with those<\/em> kinds of tests. It\u2019s well-known that double-blind tests don\u2019t work for homeopathy.<\/p>\n

    Why is that?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Why, since well-controlled double-blind tests of homeopathy always fail to show any difference between homeopathic treatments and placebo! Since we know homeopathy is true (as you\u2019ll recall, some guy in the eighteenth century decided it\u2019s true), that proves<\/em> double-blind tests don\u2019t work. Besides, so-called \u201cscientists\u201d are also all in the pocket of Big Pharma, just because if homeopathy were true it would invalidate everything they \u201cknow\u201d about chemistry and medicine.<\/p>\n

    Wait, aren\u2019t there trace amounts of just about any water-soluble compound you can think of in tap water? Shouldn\u2019t the water that comes out of my faucet cure every ailment known to man?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    No, that\u2019s stupid.<\/p>\n

    Why is that?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    The water didn\u2019t get shaken the right way.<\/p>\n

    So there\u2019s a special way you\u2019re supposed to shake the water now?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    Apparently.<\/p>\n

    Are you just making all this up to defend the ridiculous idea that homeopathy actually works?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    No.<\/p>\n

    How do I know you\u2019re right?<\/strong><\/p>\n

    You think selling bottled municipal tap water for $1 a bottle is a ripoff? Think of the margins on selling small amounts of water as medicine<\/em>!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    This HOWTO was written by Paul Kuliniewicz. Reproduced here under CC license. ————————————————– HOWTO: Be a homeopathic bioterrorist Posted in Satire on September 12, 2007 at 11:39 pm. Buy a carton of orange juice and 30 1-gallon jugs of water. Place one drop of orange juice into one of the jugs of water. Shake. Take […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1954","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1954","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1954"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1954\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1954"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1954"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lee.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1954"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}