Posted on 07-13-2002
at 07:12 PM
I sometimes worry that the porn section may be
destroying my sense of proportion. I spend at least part of every
shift face-to-face, as it were, with almost cartoonishly huge cocks.
The women's bodies on porn boxes are out of proportion too, but not
to the extent that you'd think. I see a lot of fake breasts,
sometimes distended to the point that they must be uncomfortable.
I'm not just talking about the unwieldy size; on a few women the
flesh of their breasts is stretched so tightly that their nipples
are distorted. But that's rare - usually it's just the standard
eerily spherical balloon breasts. Don't men know that real breasts
hang? (Actually, I don't believe that men really can't spot fake
breasts. I think they're just happy to have any breasts around and
just don't care whether they're real or not. In a bizarre way, it's
sort of a friendly policy.)
The implants, while definitely a major part of the straight porn
world, are less omnipresent than you'd think, though. Many boxes,
most notably those in the Real Naturals series, now promise
that they only feature real breasts. And the porn industry, in its
eagerness to please, has realized that many men don't even want big
breasts. The young-stuff movies in particular, like the Barely
Legal series feature smaller-proportioned women. I guess it's
easier to pretend that a girl is jailbait if it looks like she could
still have some breast development to go.
But anyway, I'm not really worried about losing my sense of
proportion for female bodies. For one thing, I've got one of my own
for reference, and for another I see normal female breasts every
day. So do you. Even when they're clothed, they're pretty much out
there. There are plenty of ordinary, walking-around reference points
to keep a person in scale. (Now that I think about it, I'd be
interested to know what body issues come up in, say, Inuit society.)
But with penises, I worry. Unlike breasts, you really don't see them
until (one hopes) you get fairly friendly with their owners. There's
just as not as much basis for comparison.
And as badly distorted as the female porn body can get, that's
nothing compared to what happens to the men.
There's a series in the straight section called Mr. Eighteen
Inches. Eighteen! Apparently twelve isn't even impressive
anymore. The gay section has the Cocks as Big as This Box
series. I find this title hilarious, because while I know they're
only talking about length, I always picture all three dimensions.
Where would they find pants?
Both the gay and straight sections have giant cock fixations. The
straight section tends to be more graphic about it, usually showing
just pictures of women posing with a giant cock and no guy attached
at all, like they didn't have room for him in the picture. The gay
section - though it certainly has some crude and graphic exceptions
- tends to be a little more demure about it. The men are clothed on
the front, then naked on the back. Usually the guy on the front just
has his penis outlined through his clothing. Wet clothing is very
popular. I think it's a nice way of handling it. The customer gets
the idea that the cock in question is giant, erect, and undoubtedly
throbbing, but it still leaves a little mystery.
(The exception is in the videos for guys that love foreskin. Uncut
movies usually feature naked, flaccid cocks on the front.)
Anyway, stuff in the gay section definitely shows a healthy interest
in larger-than-average plumbing, but there's also just as big an
interest in beautiful men in general. For every box with a giant
penis on the front, there are two more that just show a smiling,
handsome man from the waist up. Clearly said handsome man has spent
mind-numbing amounts of time at the gym, but at least he's not
asking you to inspect his genitals.
(By the way, the guys on the gay boxes aren't just handsomer. They
also seem nicer, somehow. The guys on the straight boxes are always
frowning or grimacing or just looking mean. I understand that you
don't need [or want] a handsome guy in a straight film, because holy
shit, what if the straight guy watching it gets a little bit
attracted?, but I haven't figured out why the guys on the straight
boxes can't look friendly.)
Here's what the straight boxes have taught me, though: guys are the
ones who care about giant cocks.
Not women, guys.
Especially the straight ones.
I understand porn's fascination with giant members because it's a
visual medium and, let's face it, a dumb one. Giant cock is the
quickest shorthand for virility. Big muscles = big strength, so why
shouldn't big penis = tremendous power to satisfy?
Men are the ones who think a dick needs to be big to be satisfying.
Sure, there are a few size queens out there, but as a rule women are
way less picky about size as long as the owner of said penis learns
to use it correctly. That's actually the heart of the problem - men
assume that more penis automatically means more satsfaction, when in
fact it has very little to do with it. I've known more than one
woman who's been initially delighted to discover that she's with a
larger man, only to realize to her disappointment that he thinks
that all he has to do is be large. Conversely, one hears that
overcompensation can be a lovely thing.
While I'm on the topic, I'll mention another quick gender-based
misconception: when men refer to big, satisfying cocks, they talk in
terms of length. Case in point, Mr. Eighteen Inches. Women,
to the extent that they care at all, care about girth. When was the
last time you heard a woman say "Wow, I bet that guy could
really bruise my cervix!"?
But again, when it comes to the porn section we're not talking about
anything in the normal human realm here. It doesn't even look like
The porn box women, of course, love these huge genitals. There's
even a series called Chasing the Big Ones. I think it's
another form of metaphor - women who want giant cocks must really,
really like sex, right? Insatiable means insatiable. Or something.
I think the reason straight guys like enormous schlongs, apart from
the whole bigger = more powerful and more potent thing, is that it's
an easy answer to Freud's unanswerable question: what do women want?
The real answer is too hard. Women want you to be independent but
emotionally available. They want you to be attached but not
smothering. They want time and attention, and also some time alone.
They want you to grow and change with them. They want you to be all
kinds of things, and it's going to be a different list for every
woman, and that list is always subject to change without notice. For
some men, and many of my regular porn addicts, I think, fall into
this category, the answer is that women want you to change that
glaring personality flaw and learn to talk to them like a human
being. Maybe they want you to take a frigging shower.
The other way is so much easier. What do women want? Enormous,
glistening cocks. If you've got one, great, your job is done. No
need to worry about anything else. If you don't, well, then if women
don't like you it's not your fault.
But then, none of that applies to the gay section and I'm not a guy
so who am I to speculate?
I guess guys just like big cocks because they're so frequently told
that that's what manhood is all about. Sure, he donated a kidney to
his daughter and all, but I hear he's hung like a gnat.
I feel bad for guys. There's definitely a lot of male pressure
involved, but women certainly are guilty of their fair share of tiny
penis jokes. It's awful to feel like your body is inadequate - I
wish we as a gender wouldn't participate in perpetuating that
particular bit of hurt.
There's a "clinic" that drops fliers in our store every
few days. They say "BIG ENOUGH?" and of course, they're
for penile enhancement surgery. What I've heard about breast
enlargement surgery is that it's painful and dangerous, that the
implants can leak or harden and cause all kinds of physical
problems. I can't imagine that penile surgery is any safer or less
painful, and all for what sounds like less than an inch of
The fliers, when I see a new batch, become my good deed for the day.
I throw them out.
Last edited by
Ali Davis on 07-14-2002 at 12:14 AM